Ministry of Feni
Drinking to create awareness

By Cecil Pinto


"Good evening folks. This is your host Cecil Pinto reporting almost-live for Goa-World.Com from Campal Parade Grounds. I'm covering the second General Body Meeting of the newly convened Ministry of Feni. There's lots of action around. Distillers and bottlers have put up stalls where drinkers can sample their products. On stage is a presentation on Feni Cocktails. Later today a debate will be held on Glass and Ceramic v/s Wooden Barrels for storing Caju Feni."

"Caju aficionados of varied vintages and at different levels of intoxication are all over the place engaged in animated discussions. I spot the editor of a local English daily, an architecture professor, an expert on urban anthropology, a graphic artist, a fashion designer, a pop star. Everyone seems to have latched on to the Joy of Feni."

"Excuse me Sir. What is this magazine some of you are carrying?"

"This is not a magazine. It is a report - Geographical Indications and Localisation: A Case Study of Feni by Dr. Dwijen Rangnekar of the University of Warwick. It is an exhaustive and path breaking document that brings together knowledge of Feni from various resources in a comprehensive way that has never been done before. This is the defining work on Feni."

"In fact the Ministry of Feni, MoF as it will shortly be called, is a semi-official club of Caju Feni aficionados who will act as a pressure group on distillers, bottlers and retailers to ensure that we get quality Feni at competitive prices."

"MoFs as we call ourselves, no you cannot drop the 'o', are hardened adventurers who have spent most of our adult years in search of the Elixir of the Gods - the perfect Caju Feni. During urrack season we scour the countryside, with jerry cans and hydrometers, investigating the product of different distillers to sniff out the one with the perfect taste, bouquet and 'grau'. We hope that this translates into good Feni and if it doesn't we move on to the next 'bhatti'. The rest of the year we follow up leads to check out bars over the length and breadth of North Goa to find someone who stocks the perfect Feni."

"Why don't you do South Goa?"

"South Goa knows jack squat about making good Caju Feni!"

"When we find a perfect batch of Feni we drink it in copious amounts and buy as much as we can afford and store. We keep our findings and our suppliers secret from non-MoFs. When we hear about or discuss a unique batch of Feni that someone has discovered we actually froth at the mouth. The Konkani word for froth is 'feno'. That's how Feni gets its name."

"What about the organizational structure?"

"At our very first meeting we used the 'lots' system for election. We had lots and lots of Feni and unanimously elected Dr. Rangnekar as the President in honour of his pioneering work. His tenure lasted exactly seven minutes. In his opening address he mentioned that certain bottlers blend Feni from different distilleries. For even uttering such a sacrilegious thought he was immediately thrown out if his post and now is an ordinary member but can use the title Immediate Past and Founding President on his visiting card."

"But even Scotch Whiskey is mostly blended."

"We don't care for Scotch. Feni is never mixed with another Feni. Period. We boycott all people who attempt such nonsense!"

"What's this about MILF?"

"Not MILF, it's IMFL - Indian Made Foreign Liquor. Feni has to be deemed on par with IMFL and not treated as a 'country liquor' so that not only tavernas, but all bars can then sell it legally. We also demand that all bars keep a minimum of five different Caju Fenis - two branded and three local with different strengths and prices. If a MoF finds any establishment stocking more varieties of whiskey than of Feni the establishment will be boycotted."

"What about Palm Feni?"

"That the South Goans can figure out how to improve. Maybe they could ask for Geographical Indicator status for Palm Feni and Belligerent Taxi Drivers."

"The Ministry of Feni is not only concerned about getting the industry to give us better products but also informative labeling. Ideally the bottle packaging should have details like alcohol v/v, village-year-method of distillation, storage etc. MoF want the consumer not only to have a wide variety but also to be able to make an informed choice. Right now many manufacturers think better packaging just involves making fancy bottles."

"Can you inform our viewers about Feni drinking traditions, like for example salt-lime and tequila?"

"Ha! You should attend our Workshop on Feni Drinking. But since you mentioned it, in Mexico itself tequila is drunk straight or alternating with a type of orange juice called sangrita. This salt-lime back-of-hand licking routine is a recent and totally made-up American custom that has helped in the marketing of tequila. We don't need to invent such myths around Caju, we just need to discover them."

"One of the wonderful practices we have at bars in Goa is that when they stock a local unbranded variety of Feni they always allow you a small measure to try before you order. If you like it you drink it. Or take the custom of the barman putting a drop of Feni on his finger and setting it on fire. Such quaint cultural practices surrounding the consumption of Caju Feni have to be recorded, encouraged and embellished if necessary. That's one of MoF's main thrusts."

"Can just anyone join the Ministry of Feni?"

"Certainly not! Membership to the MoF is currently closed but we will be conducting Feni Appreciation Workshops and Caju Feni Tours where we will educate people about the different methods of distilling, storage, consumption etc. Once we have enough of a populace educated on the nuances of Caju Feni then we will open up our membership again."

"I've just been informed that the current MoF President has committed sacrilege by having Caju Feni in a beer mug. There's a group asking for his dismissal. See you later!"    (ENDS)

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As appeared in The Herald, Goa - October 1, 2009